Nature Vs. Nurture: Can Fuckboys Be Helped? (A Conversation)

I have a few questions that need posing: does anyone understand fuckboys? Where did they come from, and why are they determined to ruin everyone’s lives?

The recent drama that has seemingly consumed Black Twitter is the news of this nasty post-divorce settlement agreement with its-going-all-the-way–down-with-my-real-love Mary J. Blige, and her ex-husband we-been-known-was-a-gold-digger, Kendu Isaacs. They were married for 12 years and Mary cited “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for their divorce.

I get it. Celebrities marry. Divorce happens. It’s the cycle of life. But what really had me give the side eye to my computer screen was what Isaacs is claiming he’s owed from her. According to the NY Daily News, this fool is asking for over $130,000 a month in “spousal support,” aka there will be no crunk in this dancery until he is paid. Y’all. Let us review what he claims he needs every month to sustain his life:

  • $7,000 in rent
  • $8,000 for a private chef
  • $3,200 for a personal trainer
  • $1,000 for clothing
  • $21,677 for charities
  • $71,000 for mortgages on several properties

He is also asking for, drumroll please, $5,000 per month in child support for his three children from a previous marriage.

via GIPHY

You mean to tell me that not only does he think Mary “The Queen of R&B” J. owes his irrelevant ass a six-figure sum per month, BUT he wants her to sustain his weight loss journey and philanthropy? Boy….

And how ironic that his second highest request is $21,677 for charities. Did he want his ask to seem more noble? Lawd. When I tell you I CAN’T is an understatement. “I can’t” is such an understatement that I basically can.

Anyways, let’s get back to the topic of fuckboys. Their kind is running rampant in our communities, and with more and more men (of the celebrity and regular degular variety) revealing themselves to be of the fuckboy ilk, I wanted to take a sociological deep dive into the nature of their kind. I consulted two of my friends, Eliza and Natasha, who have 0% knowledge in science and asked them their thoughts on all things fuckboy. To be as transparent as possible, I am posting the organic conversation that occurred between them as they tried to further understand this phenomenon. Feel free to eavesdrop.

*Cues Bill Nye The Science Guy Theme Song* 

Natasha:  Anayo, his list of demands is ridiculous! The audacity of this man to ask for child support for children he had by another woman. 😒 Like, I get it if you are requesting some money after a divorce, whether you’re the man or woman. But come on….really?!?!

Eliza: I need someone to come up with a dna test for fuckboys
Anayo: Maybe he’s born with it. Maybe it’s Maybelline.
E: I’m convinced it’s the water.
N: Is it hereditary? Or do they have some recessive gene where this might pop up later on in life?
E: It’s the water.
N: Nature vs. nurture: can fuckboys truly be helped? Case studies shall be done!
E: It’s the water, lol.
N: Anayo, you’re the one with the sociology background. We need your help in the good fight!
E: Although I agree with both arguments of nature vs nurture, the trajectory of such an epidemic has caused me to believe that the foolishness and fuckery that has produced a new specimen of the fuckboy must be due to the hybrid of the two affects. In addition, but not limited to, climate change and the change in chemical properties of our water.
A: Turn up.

N: Though I may be persuaded to agree with said findings, I feel that further analysis must be done for a more accurate assessment. It would be presumptive of us to come to such a conclusion without taking into consideration external variables that may affect the specimen.

E: Presumptive it is not, as the spike in said findings has had empirical evidence and research conducted by a myriad of independent and bipartisan organizations. In my humble opinion, it would be senseless of us to not act now. We must flee the continent. It is for our own safety.

via GIPHY

N: Findings have shown that the specimen “Fuckboy” or “Puer Irrumabo” in Latin, are not only contained in the United States. They display certain migratory patterns which allow them to flock to other countries and continents. And, sadly, this condition does not only afflict males in the United States, but rather there are outbreaks of fuckboyism that have been recorded in other regions.
N: There are two issues at hand which we must address today. 1. Whether this condition is hereditary and passed down from progenitor to offspring. Or if it is in fact caused by the specimen’s environment. 2. Upon identifying the cause of this outbreak, a potential solution shall be proposed to remedy this situation. Whether in the form of vaccines, quarantine, societal rehabilitation, or mass migration so as to prevent contamination to the unafflicted.

E: I too, have conceded to such findings. While I do not disagree with such analysis, I do however, find that such fuckboyism has gone rampant in the Western Hempishoric states. Thus, an immediate evacuation plan must be implemented in order to save and preserve the female homosapien. As we seek a safe kingdom in the East, it is then when we will gather necessary resources in order to prepare breakthrough scientific data on the mutations of the species that we shall encounter there, and prepare for our next safe haven. It is the only way.

via GIPHY

N: It is my understanding that such dire actions are not necessary at the moment, and that less stringent steps may be taken when dealing with this matter. A complete evacuation of the unafflicted, though potentially necessary, can be avoided if the female Homosapien were to take certain precautionary steps to prevent cross contamination with the fuckboy. Caution when dealing with the specimen can help the female Homosapien maintain a high standard of life and keep them from potentially baring offspring who carry this mutation. Or, in my esteemed colleague’s theory, who could potentially become susceptible, through environmental factors, to developing fuckboyism.
N: Furthermore, since we are unable to conclude how this disease is passed on from one entity to the next, nor are we able to devise a plan of action for dealing with this illness, we must come up with a set of traits to help identify those afflicted with this condition. By identifying character traits or physical symptom of the afflicted, I feel that we may better identify those who are carriers of the disease and properly diagnose them with this condition.

E: Due to our positions on this issue, I believe it is only right to follow and pursue our respective paths. It is such, that I can only pursue what I believe is right for me and my people. I will lead the coalition to the East and we will fight the weaker mutations. The female homosapien’s civilization can no longer be endangered. For it can no longer sustain the elements. My dear friend, there is no hope. You have not displayed how to ensure cross contamination doesn’t permeate the female. Furthermore, the congregation and I are headed East to set up camp. May the force be with you and the rest of the female. May you stay alive and fuckboy-free.

honestly truly

That concludes today’s COMPLETELY scientific observation of the fuckboy species. Stay tuned for further case studies only here on ATT.

Featured Image: US Magazine

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